Insecurity in the Face of God
Moses is in the great "Hall of Faith" found in Hebrews 11 and he was indeed a man of great faith. Hebrews tells us that Moses chose to live as an Israelite rather than an Egyptian and chose to be mistreated. He left Egypt without fear of Pharaoh and he kept the Passover all because a faith that looked beyond the present. He led Israel while being completely dependent on God. If anyone trusted in God it was Moses, and yet, this same man is the one who reveals insecurity in an "argument" with God in Exodus 3 and 4. There was Moses, standing before the burning bush hearing God, the I Am, speaking to him and calling him to a specific purpose. God said "go back to Egypt and bring out my people," and yet, Moses questioned that calling. "Who am I...?" is the first argument. That is the central issue surrounding anyone dealing with insecurity. The second and third arguments were "what if?" The insecure are always overly concerned about what might happen. The fourth argument was "you don't realize how inadequate I am." Doesn't that sound like an insecure person? Finally, Moses said "please send someone else." His fears were overwhelming his faith. It is interesting that God got angry after all these arguments. How infuriating insecurity must be to God. He chooses us and we disqualify ourselves. What we argue with aren't just excuses, they are truly how we see ourselves. But what is truly amazing to me is how our insecurities become larger than the plan of God. To us, not God. That is why God didn't just move on from Moses to someone else. While he did choose Aaron to be the spokesman, Moses remained God's chosen leader. While it may anger God, he doesn't discard us, instead he answers every argument with an affirmation of his presence and ability in our lives. To the argument "who am I?" God doesn't say "this is who you are" instead he says "this is who I am." To the "what if?" arguments, God says "I have it all under control." To the inadequacy argument God says "you are inadequate, but I am completely able to use you." When fear is overwhelming our faith, God says "I will make a way for you." My point is that God continues to use us despite our insecurity. Why? Because God wants us to be secure only with him. We are to be utterly dependent on him. We will always be insecure when we look at ourselves. We will always see our inadequacies, our brokenness, our weakness. We will never be able. But that is alright because God delights in using us to accomplish things we could never do. So the next time you hear God's call to do something extraordinary, when your insecurities get bigger and bigger in your eyes, and you are tempted to say "I can't. Send someone else," remember Moses and the God of the insecure.